Ok, I guess this is a semi-obligatory reflective 9/11 post but, where the hell did time go?
Looking back on that scary day I feel like I was just a baby. 19 years old and so much left to figure out. The world seemed to be falling apart a bit.
Now it is NINE YEARS later. Holy hell!
I can't believe how much has happened since then. I was determined not to be scared by the crazy times I'd wound up in but I think what happened is, it didn't feel crazy. For me, life pretty much went on.
I finished school and started to make real life changing-type decisions.
I moved a couple times and wound up in WA and have not been in CA since 2003. I have nephews! And one of them just started school.
I have a job and sit in meetings. And sometimes people listen to what I have to say.
I realized how valuable I am to myself and that taking good care of my mind and body is not optional.
I found someone who made me see my future in a startling new way. And start to feel like there are at least two hearts that I have to take care of.
But there is still so much to figure out.
As most, I wanted to make the world a slightly better place. Or minimally be an active member of my community. I wanted to be a good friend to the people who always made me feel loved. I wanted to be loving to people who hadn't been as lucky as I to have encouraging people in their lives.
I guess I've dabbled in most of that but with an inconsistency that concerns me.
I have always said that I thought being an American was the best team I've ever been on. It's super cheesy but true. We fuck up. Pretty royally sometimes (watch a double feature of Charlie Wilson's War and The Kite Runner). But we're pretty damn awesome. And I need to get better at honoring the advantages that have come with the team.
Lately I've been kind of a self-pitying mope about how sad and hard life is. And it is. But I know it is sadder and harder for a lot of people. The fear and chaos of those people nine years ago, for example, is unfathomable. Even in my own life, people that I love have it much sadder and harder than I.
I can be sad and can acknowledge that things have been easier but I am going to try to appreciate that I have it in my grasp to make things better. That I have been given the gift of time to work on areas I feel I'm lacking and the luxury of being able to do it in this country where I have resources.
Sorry for the maudlin post. I'm a sob-fest lately.