Friday, September 30, 2016

Physics and body image

Everyone who has taken any intro to physics know
Force= Mass x Acceleration

Sadly a quarter or two later you learn about how stored energy works.

Last night was a physics word problem come to life at my little Fit4Mom workout class. 

My mass accelerating created enough force to snap the resistance band that my partner was holding for me and it snapped back unleashing all of that stored energy hitting her hand and whipping back to give a big lash on her back. I was so worried for her, concerned about her pain and hand, guilty and embarrassed last night that I came home and cried on Michael.  

Now getting the word that her fingers aren’t broken and ligaments look OK I can focus on those last two emotions especially the embarrassment.
The root of it is in the fact that it is hard for me to look at my body objectively, even when I am my fittest self I struggle with seeing myself with love and kindness and when you add the 20 lb that I can’t move since Miranda was born it is a real struggle. I work hard, and especially since I have a husband who I feel secure knowing he loves my body and children who I want to always feel good in their own skin, I work hard to be kinder and to be appreciative. And it usually works OK. I actually oddly feel better about my body naked than I do dressed and had recently convinced myself that was a sign of ill fitting or uninspiring clothing. 

Now, I know in my head that it could have happened to anyone. Furthermore there are women in this class who are 5'11" and certainly weigh as much as I do unless they are severely underweight. But I am feeling HUMILIATED. No one made any indication that my fatty self had caused the accident and i was not self absorbed enough to worry about it much last night but today I'm so so embarrassed. And struggling to regain perspective on my self image. I really don't want to go back to class and, albeit immature, I keep finding myself wanting to or actually self sabotage  with food. I hate that my self image is so fragile and really hate how quickly any progress can be dashed. There is nothing I want more than to get a handle on my own shit before my kids get cognizant of the idea that there should ever be anything to dislike about your body. And I will keep working on it because it really does matter to me that Michael and I lead the way for them. But holy shit this incident highlighted what a thin (excuse me healthy) rope I walk on the path of good self image. 

 I feed a person using just my body and I lift cabs off of my baby with one hand. Why do I give my body such a hard time?

Friday, September 9, 2016


At a birthday party last week SeƱor  Bossypants was explaining how to properly use the gift he’d chosen (a monster truck) and emphasizing how much it would benefit the birthday girl if he showed her by playing with it. I joked that he was man-splaining to us but thinking about it I realized that wasn’t right or fair.

Four birthday party food groups: cake, cupcake, rice Krispy treat and chocolate 

He was todd-splaining (and I don’t mean explaining it to Todd, which he also did, but it is toddler explanations). He is in the adorable yet sometime exasperating apex of a deep command of language and newly developing awareness of how and why things are the way they are- whether perceived or real. This seems to create an enthusiasm that WILL NOT BE contained and ideas which MUST BE evangelized. I love hearing how he is putting together complex issues in his- like when he was telling us that yogurt melted and became smoothie. The ideas that it is obvious he’s chewed on for a while and is ready to explain to you.  Todd-splaining can be a bit tiresome being explained to in focused and wholly incorrect detail. Like when your little backseat driver explains how you shouldn't have turned because the light is red and you explain about right turns- then hearing about how you should go on a red light but then have to discuss that some right turns have special rules. Can be exhausting. 

But hot damn if the messenger isn't too cute and too earnest to argue with sometimes. 

Saturday, September 3, 2016

I understand now!

I finally figured out the value of Instagram in my life. 
It allows you to unfollow the Facebook friends who gross you out with their politics while still being able to see pictures of their pets, children and food!

Thank god!