I guess I’ll preface this by saying I had pretty awesome gandparents.I only had one set but they were awesome. ~20 grandkids and never forgot a birthday. We visited a lot and so did they. My Omi (my grandma was FOB German and her oldest child decided the grandkids would their grandparents Omi and Opa. I LOVED this as a kid), was stern but I’d say she and I had the most in common. She was really creative and crafty and I loved her creations. It is silly but I still use the scrunchies she made me over the years and it makes me happy to have a small something that reminds me of her and of old times. Since I use a scrunchie nearly every night, I think of her relatively often.
I have been thinking a lot about my Opa during the day lately. Opa was the fun one of the grandparents but my mom and her siblings found this hilarious since they wouldn’t have described him as fun. I wasn’t super close to him, he was tighter with my math-lete sister. The one thing I always knew about him, both from my own observations and stories I heard was that he was a very honest man and seemed to have a lot of integrity. The example of this I witnessed personally that stuck with me was when, after a dance competition, he found some cosmetic mirrors another contestant had left, the dance competition etiquette is that you just keep stuff like that, but Opa was determined to find the owner. For whatever reason this stuck in my eight year old head and I have always considered him the most honorable man I ever knew (sadly not hard since he was basically the only man I knew at that age).
Anyhow, this character impression of him has been coming back to me over and over again lately because WORK SUCKS. I feel so disconnected to it and find motivating myself getting harder and harder. I keep wanting to flip my work the bird and completely check out but then I feel the ghost of my Opa and I don’t want to disappoint him.
All of this says to me that I need to change things where I am (I think I’ve tried hard) or find somewhere else to work where I don’t feel so awful. I used to be able to self motivate and my work ethic was never an issue. Now I am digging up the ghost my best ethical examples to make it through the day. It is no good.
I’m honestly not sure what to do about this situation though. Things feel absolutely nuts but I don’t know where I would go or whether I would feel better about things somewhere else. I know I am in a pretty cushy position and I am valued at my current company; but the uncertainty and obstacles we have (or are putting) in front of us seem so overwhelming.
My goal for the immediate future is to give them everything I have while I am there. Make sure I am doing what I need to do plus trying to listen and be aware of the general situation and give useful feedback.
I saw this pinned and may try to stick with this:
anyhow, better get to bed so I can make the best of tomorrow