Monday, November 21, 2016

Date report

I'm here in the future. Sadly Donald trump is still going to be president.
But Andrew and my date went well. It went exactly as expected and having the reminder from myself about expectations was helpful.

It actually started off a little rocky because he decided to be pain and refuse to take a picture. This battle annoys me because I could likely coerce a photo but then I don't want one of me and my coerce-ee. So I was already a little annoyed and a little leery of what Andrew-tude I was getting. But I checked my own 'tude and we reset and were on our way.

We went to his favorite place for lunch and he was stoked since he'd been asking about it for weeks.

Then we headed to Pike Place market. We walked around and looked at ferries in the sound. I realized how annoying it must be to be at everyone's butt height so we walked up toward west lake center and looked at the Christmas tree and whether they had a playground. Then we grabbed ice cream at cupcake royale.

By then it was almost showtime.

I was most worried about his reaction to the theater. We were early enough that we had time to walk around and go up to the stage and generally get a lay of the land. I plied him with chips which they allowed the children to eat inside the theater (crazy!). He was not pleased when the lights went down and sat on my lap with hands over ears for a song or two. But he couldn't resist the raffi and before long was having a decent time in my lap. The sillies kicked in and he got wiggly on me/in his seat/in the aisle. I let him do his thing as long as he was being a decent audience member.

As for me, i enjoyed the show SO much. There were tons of groups of three or even four generations. It made me really happy to see him with Andrew even if it wasn't the highlight of our special date to him.

I didn't take many pics

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Saturday, November 19, 2016

Note to future self

I'm really excited about the mother/son date I have tomorrow with Andrew. But I am writing myself a little reminder here to have the proper expectations.

While I have visions of Andrew and I, getting lunch and tromping around Seattle then heading to the raffi concert in great spirits before rocking out to America's most beloved children's folk singer. The reality is that Andrew is his own self and his enjoyment of the day and concert are up to him. I can fully imagine him soaking up the first part of the date I described but absolutely being uninterested in the concert. His right. I won't let him be a jerk about it but he is tentative in new situations and just might not be that into it.

I genuinely want to see raffi perform- the songs All I Really Need and Thanks A Lot are special TO ME. But my choice of date means being flexible and having reasonable expectations.

So, future amber, I hope it went awesome and if it didn't I hope it wasn't because you expected too much and the day still ended as a great mommy/son day for the books.

Will report back!

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Thursday, November 17, 2016

Onion of shit

The layers of hurt are just so deep.

I'm not saying I'd have voted for ANY woman but I was counting on electing a woman and the fact that we didn't against someone so wildly unqualified hurts me.

A personal anecdote that keeps popping into my nogs.

I spent all of my high school days busting my hump for the class of 1999. I served as sophomore and junior class treasurer, I led our spirit committee for three years, I did all of the footwork to scout out prom locations and costs and borrowed my mom's car to drive my classmates around to see them all. And I was planning to be the senior class president. I was ready and I had earned it.

When the time came for elections a football player approached me. Friendly guy, bit of a stoner, the lovable flake. He had decided to run for president. He was sort of mocking me but as a professional high school politician I kept my cool. I told him that if he felt like he had something to offer our class he should and I'd run my hardest to beat him. He laughed. I went home and cried.

Either I got to him or his flakey stoner-ness made him miss the filing deadline. Either way he flaked and I ran unopposed.

It hurts that this doesn't just happen to high schoolers. That the scale is boundless. And yes, it could have happened to a nerdy boy - it is generic light bullying. But my femaleness and my preparedness were absolutely being used against me then. And they are used against women now. Because we are used to it and it feels shitty but normal. I'm still optimistic for little girls today. Scratch that. I was optimistic until we just showed them this stark example between a qualified woman and a man who was not only unqualified but outwardly hostile and disrespectful to women.

I remember 16 year old me crying in my car, why the fuck is 35 year old me having to do so again?

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Monday, November 14, 2016

I'm a little lost.

I wasn't sure what path I was on before but as we've finally started getting our shit together in my house I was sorting out a plan. I'd started volunteering a little again. I thought I'd found a useful and fun place to give a little time and money to.

Now I'm confused again. What can I do? What is my part in mitigating this hideous new reality? I'm trying not to be hyperbolic but every piece of evidence seems to indicate that I'm in line with reality.

The charities I'd settled on seem like frivolous extras in what is now a crisis situation.

I am so heartbroken about the choice this country has made and I'm terrified of what this moment in time means for what is next in our history.

Pictures that now punch me in the gut.

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