BTC Special Report

Ok. This is serious. They will not stop growing. 

I am already wearing the largest sports bra I had from last time and it is SO UNCOMFORTABLE. I think I need to go to the next size but a size 4 Enell? What the hell. And I'm not hassling them about how much it costs- it is a LOT of fabric so the price is understandable. But it pains me none the less to spend so much on one. 

Sexy! 

Although grabbing that picture I found they now come in snazzy colors. 

I also saw that they're now $60 instead of the $50 I was thinking. 

I'm terrified to try using my nursing bras. They were I cups (wtf! Right?). If those fit already what does the future hold?

Check up day

Yesterday was a checkup for everyone except M. 

I scheduled poorly and realized that i needed to pick Andrew up when I left work for my appointments rather than going back and picking him up between mine and his. This was ok except he hasn't ever come to a dr appointment with me and this was the biggie anatomy scan ultrasound. In theory it was sweet to have him there to see the baby but my worrywart self worried that if something was wrong it would be harder for us to listen and talk to the doctor. Plus this appointment was scheduled for 45 min... That's 5 hours in two year old years. 

But necessity made our decision and we met up with M for our lunchtime appointment. 

The scan looked great. I am nervous about the 20 week scan because this is where my sister got bad news a few times. But as we went along and saw vital organ after vital organ looking functional I got to relax a bit and enjoy the amazing technology, the people I was sharing it with and how freaking lucky I am. 

They even turned in 3D which I find creepy looking but appreciate the technology behind it. They never did that with Andrew. 

After baby girl's appt it was my turn. My OB is retiring :( so I'm seeing someone new. Not too big a fan. 

Finally it was Andrew's turn. His appointment was all fun. No shots, no big concerns to talk to the doc about, just chatting about how he is doing and checking for number of testicles and other basics. 

He was a joy! It had been a long and mostly seated afternoon but he let the doctor examine him and was adorably engaged. He surprised me with how engaged he was! We were talking to my mom later that night and he told her "doctor check my heart" and tonight when I was getting him in his Jammie's I put his hand on his chest and told him it was his heart and he said "thank you doctor." Adorable. And now he is on the annual check up routine like a big kid. 

The only thing that got me down is he is still so tiny-not on the charts. I get that some people are short but for whatever reason it incites a twinge of sadness, possibly guilt. I'm working on that because I get that it isn't rational. 

It was a great afternoon to not only check in on BOTH of my babies but to be reassured that they're doing well.

I'll say it again. I'm a lucky lucky person. 

Plus I got to grab lunch with my two favorite people on a work day. That's like a cherry on top!

Birthday weekend success!

I slept terribly Thursday night and Friday I was a ball of angst that my weekend plan was too busy and over scheduled and it was doomed to failure. 

Since I was acting like a tired toddler Michael worked with me to see reason (it would all be fine- it was a low expectation party and the whole pint was to be able to enjoy it). And like a tired toddler I cried a little until I was too tired to do anything but go to sleep. 

Saturday was much better. Funny how a little sleep can clear your head and help you see straight. A and I spent the early morning splashing outside and had a Cheerios breakfast picnic. 

Then A and I and my younger sister went to the mall for birthday pics. That was a disaster but it resulted in a reasonably good shot. So we moved on. 

Later in the afternoon we implemented our Seattle plan. It was perfect. Except for the 90+ degree temperatures. We took the very exciting trolley! He was pretty stoked. We even doubled up and rode the monorail to seattle center. Then spent a great afternoon at the Pacific Science Center. 

It was awesome and air conditioned! The tots area was perfect as an introduction. Then we headed to the Grossololgy exhibit where he delighted in being blown out of a nose and sliding down an esophagus into a stomach and crawling through intestines out an anus. 

Birthday was great too. Balloons and breakfast. Playtime and nap time. And finally a cousin party. 

I'm pretty happy with the games I came up with. They evened the age difference field a bit and were fun and a little outside the box. 

He was so happy. We were so happy. His baby sister was so excited too and has been kicking up a storm all weekend. 

It was not the most extravagant party but it was a ton of fun and absolutely perfect for our little two year old!

Saturday Plans

 

Saturday we are going to fly to CA go to Disneyland for the day and fly home.

 

Not really but I was trying to come up with a list of things that are free under two. Since my baby will not be eligible starting Sunday.

champagne and raisins!

We will be living it up though. He has LOVED birthdays this year. He likes singing the song all the time- he’s going to be ecstatic that it is for him! Friday his class is making cupcakes to celebrate. Saturday we are going to have a day of fun with our little one year old. The only definite plan is to ride the SLUT, we drive by it every day and love when we have a trolley sighting but haven’t ridden one yet. Oh, he has pictures first on Saturday.

Then on Sunday, we are having my mom, sisters and niblings over for a party at our house. Water play, bubbles, some Sesame Street themed games, pizza and cake.

This’ll be fewer people than last year because I don’t want to host, I want to hang with my birthday boy and see him take it all in. I’m so excited. I’m more excited about his day than I have been for my own birthday for ~20 years.

 

It’s funny, before I had Andrew I used to think that the kid’s birthday should also be the mom’s day in a way. But I genuinely feel like I was so lucky to get to be the one to have him. I’m so glad I got to bring him into my life, into Michael’s. It was really my privilege and I’m doing my best to show him my gratitude by loving him every day. His birthday is just an extra special one.

 

I still like my mom’s perspective that your first born’s birthday is also your parenting anniversary. We've officially been on the job for two years. Happy other anniversary M!

 

 

Anniversary

Today is my wedding anniversary. And a great day to pride myself on picking a great partner! 

But it is also the anniversary of another big day. Last year we went out for our anniversary and Andrew stayed overnight at my moms. That was the last day he consistently nursed. He did a few times afterwards and I pumped for a few more weeks for daycare but that was basically the end. 

It is a marked date in my mind because it was regaining my autonomy after 21 months (pregnancy plus nursing).

Before deciding to have children this was one of my huge issues with biological motherhood. It is one of the many reasons I remain staunchly pro-choice. It is a huge thing to ask/require a person to give up her body. 

I honestly struggled with it in early pregnancy. Especially in an era where pregnant women are subject to a slew of well intentioned and barely informed restrictions that are heaped on them at every turn. It irritated me on principle more than in practice generally.  

However when I was 40 weeks pregnant and had a tooth that no one would help me with (not even take an x-Ray of my mouth to establish the issue) I was again bristled by how my personage was unimportant. When I was as sick as a dog and no one would recommend something for relief because no OTC drugs are tested in nursing women  I was frustrated to tears. 

Turns out I don't get to celebrate this anniversary because I didn't even make a full year of autonomy. 

But somehow it feels less oppressive. Maybe because I'm settling into knowing when I need to exert my own needs (I WILL have an x-Ray (IN THE MOUTH) if I need it at 9 months). But I think it is because life with Andrew has shown me what my Mom has always said. "This too shall pass." This is a stage in my life like any other. This is what I've chosen to build our family so it's ok for now. 

*Please remind me of this when I'm feverish with a hot baby body sucking the life directly out of me. 

Oh the things you forget

Well, now I remember how tenuous sleep is for my pregnant self. It is 4:30am on Tuesday and I am groggily wide awake. It was precipitated by what I'm assuming to be a heat wake up ( it is 82 in his room, blech) by A but he got a drink and was back to sleep. Me? I'm on my second episode of house hunters (HH). 

Other things I forgot:

-how much more pregnant you feel like you look than you actually look. 

- how I scrutinize every gas bubble until there is for reals movement. 

I'm feeling pretty good these days. It is interesting to be a little surprised by pregnancy. Those first days I just thought I was entering another of our awful 2015 sick cycles. I was so tired and felt like death warmed over in the morning. Actually the morning of Andrew's stitches and the morning of our accident I was feeling like absolute shit- I wish I'd embraced the suckage and just stayed home. 

I'm glad that everyone at work knows now. They don't just think I've been perpetually hung over for the past couple months.

I thought I remembered the extreme, bone crushing fatigue but it turns out that can't be remembered clearly and has to reveal itself to you anew and with a vengeance. 

This also falls under forgotten things- I'm excited about the prospect of delivery this time. That was pretty cool. 

Are you toddlering me? *

All of my totally true and justified gushing aside, let's be real. Andrew is a toddler. So while he is truly a delight he is still a touch crazy. 

He is currently working on throwing himself down. I think he sucks at it. Picture Amy March in the Liz Taylor version of Little Women when she dramatically faints during the girls' skit. He gently lowers himself to the ground and then lays there like he is taking a nap. 

Michael thinks he's practicing Dr. King type passive resistance. 

He has toddler OCD. He often will have a very particular method for lining up his cup and bowl during meals. He often turns into a deranged person if he is served something whole and it gets cut in front of him. The book stacking. 

He seems to have somewhat disordered eating. He will be a voracious hungry bear one day, not able to get enough, and the next he will nibble like a bird. 

He has unfounded trust issues especially around food. Even if Michael and I have identical plates to his he will insist that we share with him as though either ours is subtly better or we might eat it all without there being enough for him. 

He is a strange and wonderful- emphasis varys but usually the wonderful side far outweighs. 

Everyday as we walk out from daycare he checks to see if there are bugs under this brick. Once we found roly polys- but alas never again. 

* the dad on Blackish was accused of toddlering by his wife. It cracked us up.