Wednesday, January 20, 2016

I don't take good news well

I remember making that remark off the cuff to my company's CEO when he called me out for a scowly face after he announced he was giving us a day off. We had just worked really hard and produced data that we thought would get us out next tier of funding. 

It made me chuckle and grimace. It's true. I don't. My glass isn't full or empty it is fragile. And while motherhood exaggerates this tendency this example was in early 2009- my young footloose and fancy free self. 

The fragility is what stresses me out. How could I be as lucky as I am? How? There must be a dangling shoe somewhere. 

I really struggle to keep those feelings at bay and appreciate the here and now. But every time I get giddy looking at the life I have I immediately mentally knock on wood as I imagine all the terrible twists that could bring us to our knees. 

It really isn't the best way to live and I worry what it means about my mental health. 

I mean seriously how'd I get this lucky?!?

3 comments:

Alicia said...

Is there some relevance to babym being on her side/upside down?

Kathy said...

Amber, do you know Brene Brown? She is a social science researcher who studies stuff like this! She talks (in this TED talk, I think?) about how many of us "dress rehearse grief" or tragedy when we experience joy. Joy is hard to experience. Apparently you are not alone!

http://blog.ted.com/brene-brown-interviewed-by-oprah-in-a-two-part-episode-of-super-soul-sunday/

aeep said...

She hangs out next to me and I wind up with strange angles for pics. I only keep her upside down infrequently.