Wednesday, January 20, 2016

I don't take good news well

I remember making that remark off the cuff to my company's CEO when he called me out for a scowly face after he announced he was giving us a day off. We had just worked really hard and produced data that we thought would get us out next tier of funding. 

It made me chuckle and grimace. It's true. I don't. My glass isn't full or empty it is fragile. And while motherhood exaggerates this tendency this example was in early 2009- my young footloose and fancy free self. 

The fragility is what stresses me out. How could I be as lucky as I am? How? There must be a dangling shoe somewhere. 

I really struggle to keep those feelings at bay and appreciate the here and now. But every time I get giddy looking at the life I have I immediately mentally knock on wood as I imagine all the terrible twists that could bring us to our knees. 

It really isn't the best way to live and I worry what it means about my mental health. 

I mean seriously how'd I get this lucky?!?


Alicia said...

Is there some relevance to babym being on her side/upside down?

Kathy said...

Amber, do you know Brene Brown? She is a social science researcher who studies stuff like this! She talks (in this TED talk, I think?) about how many of us "dress rehearse grief" or tragedy when we experience joy. Joy is hard to experience. Apparently you are not alone!

aeep said...

She hangs out next to me and I wind up with strange angles for pics. I only keep her upside down infrequently.