Anniversary

Today is my wedding anniversary. And a great day to pride myself on picking a great partner! 

But it is also the anniversary of another big day. Last year we went out for our anniversary and Andrew stayed overnight at my moms. That was the last day he consistently nursed. He did a few times afterwards and I pumped for a few more weeks for daycare but that was basically the end. 

It is a marked date in my mind because it was regaining my autonomy after 21 months (pregnancy plus nursing).

Before deciding to have children this was one of my huge issues with biological motherhood. It is one of the many reasons I remain staunchly pro-choice. It is a huge thing to ask/require a person to give up her body. 

I honestly struggled with it in early pregnancy. Especially in an era where pregnant women are subject to a slew of well intentioned and barely informed restrictions that are heaped on them at every turn. It irritated me on principle more than in practice generally.  

However when I was 40 weeks pregnant and had a tooth that no one would help me with (not even take an x-Ray of my mouth to establish the issue) I was again bristled by how my personage was unimportant. When I was as sick as a dog and no one would recommend something for relief because no OTC drugs are tested in nursing women  I was frustrated to tears. 

Turns out I don't get to celebrate this anniversary because I didn't even make a full year of autonomy. 

But somehow it feels less oppressive. Maybe because I'm settling into knowing when I need to exert my own needs (I WILL have an x-Ray (IN THE MOUTH) if I need it at 9 months). But I think it is because life with Andrew has shown me what my Mom has always said. "This too shall pass." This is a stage in my life like any other. This is what I've chosen to build our family so it's ok for now. 

*Please remind me of this when I'm feverish with a hot baby body sucking the life directly out of me.