Note to future self

I'm really excited about the mother/son date I have tomorrow with Andrew. But I am writing myself a little reminder here to have the proper expectations.

While I have visions of Andrew and I, getting lunch and tromping around Seattle then heading to the raffi concert in great spirits before rocking out to America's most beloved children's folk singer. The reality is that Andrew is his own self and his enjoyment of the day and concert are up to him. I can fully imagine him soaking up the first part of the date I described but absolutely being uninterested in the concert. His right. I won't let him be a jerk about it but he is tentative in new situations and just might not be that into it.

I genuinely want to see raffi perform- the songs All I Really Need and Thanks A Lot are special TO ME. But my choice of date means being flexible and having reasonable expectations.

So, future amber, I hope it went awesome and if it didn't I hope it wasn't because you expected too much and the day still ended as a great mommy/son day for the books.



Will report back!

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Onion of shit

The layers of hurt are just so deep.

I'm not saying I'd have voted for ANY woman but I was counting on electing a woman and the fact that we didn't against someone so wildly unqualified hurts me.

A personal anecdote that keeps popping into my nogs.

I spent all of my high school days busting my hump for the class of 1999. I served as sophomore and junior class treasurer, I led our spirit committee for three years, I did all of the footwork to scout out prom locations and costs and borrowed my mom's car to drive my classmates around to see them all. And I was planning to be the senior class president. I was ready and I had earned it.

When the time came for elections a football player approached me. Friendly guy, bit of a stoner, the lovable flake. He had decided to run for president. He was sort of mocking me but as a professional high school politician I kept my cool. I told him that if he felt like he had something to offer our class he should and I'd run my hardest to beat him. He laughed. I went home and cried.

Either I got to him or his flakey stoner-ness made him miss the filing deadline. Either way he flaked and I ran unopposed.

It hurts that this doesn't just happen to high schoolers. That the scale is boundless. And yes, it could have happened to a nerdy boy - it is generic light bullying. But my femaleness and my preparedness were absolutely being used against me then. And they are used against women now. Because we are used to it and it feels shitty but normal. I'm still optimistic for little girls today. Scratch that. I was optimistic until we just showed them this stark example between a qualified woman and a man who was not only unqualified but outwardly hostile and disrespectful to women.

I remember 16 year old me crying in my car, why the fuck is 35 year old me having to do so again?



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I'm a little lost.

I wasn't sure what path I was on before but as we've finally started getting our shit together in my house I was sorting out a plan. I'd started volunteering a little again. I thought I'd found a useful and fun place to give a little time and money to.

Now I'm confused again. What can I do? What is my part in mitigating this hideous new reality? I'm trying not to be hyperbolic but every piece of evidence seems to indicate that I'm in line with reality.

The charities I'd settled on seem like frivolous extras in what is now a crisis situation.

I am so heartbroken about the choice this country has made and I'm terrified of what this moment in time means for what is next in our history.

Pictures that now punch me in the gut.









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Washington, you're doing it wrong

We went to the beach! Last weekend of October. You'll be SHOCKED to learn it was rainy.

M's dad rented us all an awesome base house with a killer ocean view. His family had been going here for many eons and it was cool to get to bring our kids with him. Sadly this weekend was the first available so we didn't exactly get to do it the sunny way.

But we tried!

The full day we were there it was a torrential downpour but we attempted the beach with hopes of a break. No such luck

It was pretty comical, the sand for sand castles was soaked and heavy.






Miranda was not buying it.

But we explored and did our best to enjoy the surroundings.







But the true value of the trip came from hanging out with M's family. We watched movies and colored and played Zingo.






Andrew slept in a twin bed for the first time which felt crazy.




I feel like Washingtonians are sadly under experiencing what a real beach weekend is. But they are cute for trying.

Hugh O'brian creeping me

Ok how creepy. A few hours after I posted my HOBY chant I got this text.



Computers are freaky.



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We are in heated agreement*

I don't know how to more enthusiastically be enthusiastic about things at work.

It's a real problem.

I'll be asked to do something and I'll say "no problem" without any amount of problem or underlying distaste for the task. Then I'll be asked again and again until I'm needlessly annoyed about being asked to do the thing but still not about the thing. But annoyed nonetheless and I worry that I also look annoyed at that point.

The culture here seems to be trending toward a level of exuberance that I'm just not cut out for and frankly isn't entirely believable to me. I've been here almost nine (nine!) years but I feel like the culture and my own personal mannerisms have diverged a bit over the past couple years.

I honestly am stumped on what to do. I try to stay genuine and positive in my comments and in many ways I'm more of a team player now than at other points in my career here. I read Shackleton's Way a few years back and it really helped me become a better employee and overall more objective about things. But it looks different on me than I think people might want to see?






nowadays this makes me the most ragey- WHO THE HELL SLIPS A P100 IN WHEN ANY DECENT PERSON EXPECTS A P200?!?!?!?

The other day I had to tell my manager "you're not taking yes for an answer." I'd just gotten super frustrated over repeatedly and (to me) good naturedly saying I'd be happy to do something. He asked enough times that I even double checked my body language and face settings but as far as I could judge they were all in line. And to clarify it was a future item- I wasn't just being asked as a way of prodding progress. It's during planning that this sort of things happens and I don't get it.

In 10th grade I attended the HOBY Youth Leadership conference and we did the following chant:
"To be enthusiastic you must act enthusiastic (repeat thrice). OH BOY! AM I ENTHUUUUSIASTIC!"

Guess it's time to channel that mantra.
Oh boy.

*9 years ago I first heard our CEO say this at a lab meeting when two people were saying the same thing differently and I loved it so much. I try to use it as often as it is relevant.

Cute kids just because

















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Test

Too many posts had gotten eaten by my old blogging app that I was ready to give up. The outcry against this so was overwhelming and 100% of my readership reached out to me to protest.

So let's try a new app.


Here's a test post.
This past weekend was planned to be really full and fun.

On Friday however we got word from daycare that M was running a temp. Michael finished up work and picked the kids up* and we snuggled our girl and went to a wait and see mode.
*this was the first time in my working parent life that I've not been the one closer to go get a sick kid. It was weird. These kids are so damn lucky to have the dad they have. Makes me pretty lucky too.

We had a movie night on Friday and kept it easy.

A rough night on Friday led to a fever free baby Saturday morning! We went for a walk to the park with our friends chalitor. And still had a happy fever-free baby.

Our big Saturday plan was the 7th annual pumpkin carving party. We all had a perfect record and it is our favorite Halloween tradition we were really hoping to get to go. So we did no preparation but decided if our baby patient had a good nap and woke up feeling good we'd all go. And we did!

Sunday Michael and I had our first show on our new season tickets to the paramount theater. It was for the Carole King musical "beautiful" (alternately titled "yep, I wrote that too"). The kids stayed with a baby sitter and that is probably another post.

Well, I've written this long ramble and it hasn't crashed!
Let's add pics.
























The plan had been that Andrew would make some monster chocolate covered pretzels but we figured if we had some sort of plague we'd keep it to ourselves