Sunday, March 19, 2017

I LOST my shit.

My flight to San Diego was cancelled while we sat at the gate. I'd taken a Lyft to the airport. It was a 9:30 flight and the only one that would get me to SAN in time for my 8:30 training start time.
And I LOST my shit.

I feel like this type of stress test is a good measure of my mental state. Because I like to think that when I'm in a good place I am usually pretty good at adapting or at least seeing the absurdity. But on Monday night I honestly felt completely crushed.
It was like suddenly a loud chorus of all the ways I was fucking everything up started running on repeat in my head. Late for the course that I was already unsure about- hadn't driven to the airport so that was an extra expense-already said goodbye to the kids so now I was going to mess up Michael's flow-rebooked on a 6am flight so I was definitely going to be exhausted.

And the truly insidious part of it was that once I figured out my plan-hotel near the airport that cost less than another round trip Lyft-resigned about being late to course-apologized to Michael for being a spaz, then I was SO mad at myself for not being able to deal with the situation like a functional adult. And frankly, a functional adult with the means to pay for adjustments. I felt like such an asshole for being such a baby.

I was still dogging myself pretty hard through my flight but once I was breathing San Diego air and found that my rental car had been given away I had to let it go and at least try to laugh at myself.

I need to keep myself from being in such a low state that I can't function. I give myself enough credit to say that when I'm in my right mind, I am more mentally tough. So now gotta stay in that right mind.

Sent from my iPhone

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

1 comment:

Kathy said...

I am glad I am not the only other responsible, mature, competent adult in the world whose mental state dictates her ability to tolerate stress... I have definitely had my share of toddler-like meltdowns about ordinary, everyday frustrations. I'm glad you survived and ended up enjoying your much-needed and rejuvenating time in San Diego... *you guys should MOVE there and enjoy the beach and the sun!!!)