Thursday, January 26, 2017

Nuclear option

Andrew just started being into a show called "harry and his bucket full of dinosaurs"

It's cute enough but today it hit me that harry seems to live with just his mom and his nana helps out.

Wow. Can you imagine it?

Sometimes it is really bizarre to me the way my family has shaken out. A married couple with two kids (one son, one daughter even) a house, a cat.

This is not only NOT my personal experience but I can't even think of one example of this arrangement in my immediate circle during my primary school years. Now this is likely due to the village my mom created. It makes sense that families with adult deficiencies ban together to get shit done.

I just never really pictured myself in such a classic family structure. It is a good setup but surprises me sometimes in both good and bad ways.

The good: my mom told me once that the times she missed having a husband weren't the hard things as much as they were the good things. And I sort of get that now. Nobody on the planet other than Michael sees the way these kids shine to us alone. Nobody else fully grasps the goofy pride over the smallest of mundane accomplishments much less the big ones. I thought I did as a doting auntie but it is different (though I also realize that as an aunt I am able to see the good without any underlying trade offs). I love being able to look at Michael looking at our kids and know what he's feeling.

But it is also nice to have them for the hard stuff. When we were a trio it allowed us to have another adult with us when things are hard and now we can be man-on-man. When I think of the scramble that my poor mom had when one of us was sick or when both of needed to be somewhere at once. Until I had to deal with childcare scramble myself I used to fondly remember the little bed my mom made for my sick self under her desk at work and the sleepy morning drop offs at my aunt’s house because she needed to be at work before school started.

Since Andrew is in a major feisty moment of life ATM I also really enjoy having someone to side-eye and laugh at my kids with. With Michael, I know that I can share any frustrations or incredulity I have while knowing he knows the depth of my love and fondness for the little nut job.

As for the cons there aren't many I can imagine yet. Co-parenting can be somewhat tricky in ways I guess. It is hard enough to know what to do but then to add in another voice. Plus in a single parent household there is one ultimate answer rather than a two person committee (really a poly household would be good for tiebreakers).

I didn't ever imagine myself in such a family. Another piece of evidence that sometimes you just don't know what you want and need in life.

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1 comment:

Kathy said...

May I just say that one of the happiest days in MY life was seeing Michael, who is so incredibly deserving of love, marry YOU... a smart, funny, and fierce woman. Here's to being well matched and ALL the ways that families can exist--even the super normal, hetero, married with kids and a house versions! ;)