Coupledom and being a grump

Getting into work today sucked. The hill down from our house was clear on the road but the sidewalk was piled with a foot of snow and sneaky ice water puddles. I was NOT looking forward to the return trip. In fact it was making me grumpy just thinking about it. So I messaged my hubby (who was working from home) about whether it had thawed. He said no and valiantly offered to come get me from the transit center. But he acted like he was super snowed in which irked my grumpy butt since I saw that, other than our immediate street, it was wet pavement. Being a grouch, I just couldn't accept that we had two cars that were stranded by <100 yards of level street. But he said he'd try cause he loves me. Then during my commute get the call that we are in fact stranded. What I should have done: said thanks for trying and that I'm glad he is safe. And HTFU'd up and walked or waited for the snow route bus. What I did do: acted bitchy on the phone and asked in disbelief what the problem was and overall was ungrateful and semi-rude. In instances like this I hate being in a couple. I don't mind being grump with myself but whenever I do it to him I immediately want a redo. I know it doesn't make sense that I deserve less respect from me than he does but I expect myself to be kinder to others. Especially him. I know it is all part and parcel to being married, heck to human nature to be in a shitty mood and not be able to shield those around you from it but it makes me mad at myself to mistreat someone I love. I guess this also goes with how much I hate others seeing my immediate irrational reactions to things. In a perfect world I'd either have a more positive immediate reaction OR take the 5 milliseconds it takes to reflect and not be irrational. Unfortunately for M (and I guess anyone I am really comfortable with or close to. Shout out to my poor boss) sometimes I skip the 5ms and just react. Sigh. I will do my penance on my LONG walk home. - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone